Mothers hate their husbands?
One of the comments from this post on The Trixie Update is depressing. I can’t link to it directly, so I’ll quote the whole thing here:
This one has really has me thinking. Baby definitely makes marriage harder. But it’s usually moms complaining about it (not that you were complaining). The first couple of months after Sophie was born I found myself having an irrational and deep hatred of my spouse. It was freaking me out and then, when I was at a “mommy’s group” of a bunch of Park Slope yuppies I didn’t know at all, I had a Tourettes-like outburst, demanding to know: “Does everyone here hate their husband, ever since the baby came?” Everyone nodded politely and resumed coversation. I felt much better. As time wore on, the irrational hatred waned. The weird thing about the dynamic is that it’s a triangle b/c both parents love baby so much, more than anyone in the world, more than each other, so even when you’re not liking spouse, baby brings it back to love. Or trap, if you prefer. Of this love triangle, I used to believe that one of the things that keeps unhappy parents together is that w/o the other parent, there’d be no one to share all of the cute, inimitable things baby does – that no one else would want to wallow in how cute everything baby does is. Alas, TTU has proved me wrong – other people are perfectly willing to induldge. So, I guesss what I’m really saying is that a great blog could replace a spouse. Is that what I’m saying? I don’t think so, but it was a fun statemetn to make.
Hannah
(My emphasis.)
It’s depressing that this woman and a room-full of other new mothers feel this way about their husbands. Sadly, it’s probably the mens’ fault for not supporting their wives enough during the first couple of months. These first months are the toughest on whoever is the primary care giver since the baby needs almost constant attention. Without sufficient help, a new mother can barely take care of herself and that breeds all kinds of bad feelings.
Fathers! You need to adjust to the new reality. If you thought you treated your wife well before the baby, you still need to crank it up a notch!
Our marriage has been fortified by our little girl. I feel my wife and I are working together better than ever due the focus she brings to our lives. We’re now a family — not two individuals — and we need to look out for each other. If that involves spending more time at home and less time with friends for now, then so be it. I know that life will balance itself out later.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Sure, sure. It’s always the man’s fault. The fact that a lot of new mothers go frankly insane with all the crazy chemicals whirling around surely has nothing to do with it. If in doubt blame the man.